It's all happening: Buttons are being pushed. Mind rockets are blasting off. Plans are becoming happenings. The big picture is swelling and becoming a bit more colorful. Questions are being answered. Doors are opening and re-opening and slowly closing (but never locking). Momentum is starting to pick up again and light is being shed on everything starting to make the fragments form a whole that seems a bit more tangible.
I am understanding the importance of patience, and reaping the rewards of it slowly...even if some of them come with a side of stomach knotting.
My eternally curious and questering soul is getting ready for a more substantial feeding and I can taste the excitement even with a few weeks keeping me from dinner time.
I love this feeling.
I know what I want, where I want to be, and I am going after it...
Humans tend to get so caught up in the mundane aspects of life and the ritualistic details and cradling of comfort that they forget how important it is to do what you want. Have what you want (that is attainable/affordable) and to, most importantly, always be questioning, dreaming, searching, consuming, evolving-lusting for life in all aspects of the word life. I don't want this statement to be misconstrued, as a writer, I am adept at consuming the details. I find great pleasure in noting the details of every situation I am in, and committing them to memory; I just don't let the repetitive nature of the "day-to-day" blind my view of all that is out there. Does this make sense? I digress a bit... I am so grateful to still be thriving off of these things. To still be so hungry. To not be afraid to make changes, even when my hands might get a little shaky in the process. I am lucky to be one of the mostly fearless ones who refuses to settle, but wants to burn, burn, burn on for as long I can despite the heartaches and the letdowns.
Turning thirty this year has put things more in perspective for me. I spent the last few years scratching off more than I planned on my "to do" list, and am ready go full-steam into the continuation of my career in a place that churns out ideas at the same rate I think of them. A place that commits itself to a community of consumers and takes care of their needs through innovative processes. I have thoroughly enjoyed the freedom of freelancing, and will always continue to keep some of my "passion projects" in my life; however, it is time to lock it down... and in Austin, Texas. Oh yes, baby girls and boys, Austin Texas. A fine city in the lone star-a state that both intrigues and scares the crap out of me.
I feel like now, at thirty, or maybe at this particular juncture in time, I am ready for it all.
It's inspiring and a bit strange, you realize things at thirty that you didn't at 25, or even 26 or 27. You see what really matters; Who matters. You learn more about the importance of balance and that how a lot of things are really not worth worrying about. You play less games... or maybe you play them better than you ever have. (Yes, I think that is more like it.) You tear down walls and enjoy the heck out of everything because hey, life just moved really f*cking fast to this point, why deprive yourself? You leave the past in the past- and if you just can't, then you finally develop the balls to hire a therapist. At thirty you also become inherently more aware of your health and tolerance levels. You know your body in a way you haven't up until this point. You know what works, and what doesn't. At thirty your tolerance for bullshit definitely drops, but your need for sleep increases... and unfortunately, your hangover cures must now be doubled.
Overall, I must say, it's pretty great. You're at the start again. I didn't feel as stressed out this year as a lot of my friends did, even if I had some big looming changes. I was excited to close the twenties chapter, and hey, I sure as hell don't feel like some might define as the way to feel, or look, at thirty. This is probably because I will always be a kid at heart. I have a youthful spirit, even though I am an old soul. I will always be hoping and doodling and losing myself in my head and creating a pleasant now for myself whenever I can have control. And I will always stay connected to this, as I am a fun addict. One addiction I hope to never get over....
My thirtieth year and 08 have been part of a natural, divine paradigm shift. And although it has been one fun-filled year, I do feel a bit more pressure than I did at 25, to move forward at a speedier speed. But, with that said, the pressure endues a challenge, that at thirty, I am much more eager to embrace and then organically kick the sh*t out of it so I can come out on top of my dream mountain and start the quest for whatever life and my heart is telling me that I will have to go after then...
So with all of this going on, I find myself these days in a state of ongoing cogitation. I am constructing this mind map to see how each moment has unfolded and how they have all become inextricably linked and have carried me to this point where I am finally ready to fully accelerate on the plans outlined at two significant points last Winter and Spring, respectively, when I wrote the following two blogs.
Oh yes, changes.
I can hear the joyous echoes of their wake singing in my head as I reflect on the last year that has carried me here.